Thursday, April 27, 2017

Forget it, Jake. It's France.

"Emmanuel Macron, who by several projections is set to win the French presidency in two weeks, was just a 15-year-old student when his 40-year-old teacher seduced him – and the two are married today."

In the U.S., a felony; in La Belle France, a sentimental May/December romance.

Update: Via Mercurius Aulicus in the comments, it appears that Macron, faced with unprecedented terrorism in France, thinks it's a good idea to pick a fight with Poland.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Baseball

The sport has been around a long time, but it's still full of surprises.

Alternate reality

How the antifa punks see themselves...



How (I suspect) many of them really appear...



(Photo H/T: Ace)

Now, I'm not saying that a guy with a stomach like a kettle grill definitely can't be a successful lefty street fighter, but I'd say the odds are against him - especially if his opponents start carrying harpoons. His prospects as a barricade, however, look excellent.

And while I'm cheerfully lifting pictures from other web sites, here's another one from Powerline:

I wonder what the theological implications are

Some ISIS goons were recently killed - by pigs.

I think, according to Allah's rule book, that means eternity in the penalty box.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Close

I thought about using some kind of French tag in the post title, but I hate having to fuss with all those frilly accent marks. Anyhow, right-winger Marine Le Pen (at 21.7% in the first round) has made it into the second round of the presidential election and will face off against leftist-posing-as-centrist Emmanuel Macron (23.7%).

Now, I don't profess to know much about the French election process, but I think slap-fighting and guillotines figure into it somehow. So, should be interesting.

Sunday funnies

Interesting chain of events: man loses wallet, has drinking game named after him (H/T: Mrs. Paco).

Drive carefully.

Police sketch artist wanted: no talent required.

Hey, you'll be better off, anyway...



Looks like Kim is done (H/T: Powerline's "The Week in Pictures")...


Today's Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

Saturday, April 22, 2017

American Airlines: Customer Service expert wanted

An overly aggressive AA employee goes viral: "American Airlines flight attendant 'whacks a mother in the head with a metal stroller while she holds her twin babies and reduces her to tears'".

Now, there may be more to this story than meets the eye, but what meets the eye does look pretty bad. That's why this is starting to look a lot less like a parody:



Update: I had originally thought this was United Airlines, but it was American. I have changed the title of the post. The video is a satirical riff on United, but it seems that it might fit more than one airline.

Friday, April 21, 2017

If I ever get charged with a crime...

I hope it's something cooler than "unlawful dental acts".
Among the charges, filed Monday, are allegations that in 2016, Lookhart billed nearly $2 million in intravenous sedation without proper justification; that he illegally diverted funds from his employer; and he performed a tooth extraction while standing on a hoverboard, filmed it and texted it to others, while a patient was sedated.
Well, I dunno. That hoverboard thing was kinda cool.

Happy Feet Friday

The Andrews Sisters, in a live performance of Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy (embedding disabled for some reason).

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

They just won't quit

One of our congressional ignoroscenti - one Earl Blumenauer, D[ouchebag], Oregon - is proposing legislation that would permit former presidents to act as a panel to remove a sitting president who turns out to be "unfit" for office (wonder if he has anyone particular in mind).

And get this:
A handful of Democratic lawmakers have openly raised questions about Trump's psychological state since he took office in January, including Blumenauer, Sen. Al Franken (Minn.) and Reps. Ted Lieu (Calif.) and John Yarmuth (Ky.)."
That's right. Senator Al Franken is one of the people concerned about Trump's mental state. You remember Al Franken, don't you?



Hey, thanks for nothing, Minnesota.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Stop the world, I want to get off

"Transgender woman who 'suffered a broken penis when her lover had a heart attack and DIED during sex' sues the man's wife for damages".

I think one would pour over the writings of those great jurists Blackstone and Maitland in vain looking for precedent in a case like this. I presume if these gentlemen were alive today, one or both would look at this case and mutter, in shock, something along the lines of "I say, old top, who does this s**t?"

America unhinged

A woman in Oregon offers comfort to her ex-husband by telling him Donald Trump has been impeached.
"And the last thing she said to him was 'Donald Trump has been impeached.' Upon hearing that he took his final, gentle breath, his earthly work concluded."
Boy, is that guy going to be surprised when he settles in with his harp and looks down on the world and sees that Donald is still POTUS; he'll probably come back and haunt his ex-wife for the rest of her life.

Monday, April 17, 2017

It was only a matter of time...

...before the so-called "anti-Fascists" got their asses kicked.

By popular demand!

Well, actually, at the request of friend and commenter, Deborah: some very recent pictures of Maggie.





She put the boots on so she could go outside and dig in the dirt for bugs (Meh. What can I say; the kid's easy to entertain). I believe, as usual, she has them on the wrong feet.

Here's a picture we took on Easter:



And here's a random shot:



So, there you go, the future CEO of Paco Enterprises (and defendant in consumer class action suits to come), Magdalen Lee "Paco".

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Easter

Sunday funnies

How to avoid being dragged off an airplane like a sack of mulch.

Related: The new passenger removal playset...



Has your male dog had "the operation"? Help him recover his self-esteem with Neuticles.

Yeah, I hate when that happens: "Australian man finds golf course swarmed by kangaroos" (H/T: Mrs. Paco)

If he was going to take that kind of risk, you'd think he would at least have headed for Five Guys: "Boy, 8, craves burger, drives dad's van a mile to McDonald's" (Ditto).

Up S**t Creek without a paddle? No problem...



BOLO...



Saturday, April 15, 2017

Triple threat

I had never heard of a Boss shotgun until I ran across this article in The Daily Caller.

Good news, incidentally, if you'd like to own one. A Boss single-trigger, triple-barrel shotgun is now on the market for the low, low price of only $333,333.

Doddering, useless old cobra still producing venom

Cankles still can't face up to reality, continues to blame everybody, including her staff, for epic election fail.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Glenn Miller and the Army Air Force Band, with Ray McKinley on vocals, perform the GI Jive.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

I look forward to the geniuses at 4Chan planting a MAGA flag atop the roof

"Shia LaBeouf spending a month living alone in Finland cabin".

Priorities

Now, I want to be fair, so, full disclosure: I've never attended a service at the Little River United Church of Christ. I'm willing to entertain at least the possibility that, every now and again, the pastor issues a thunderous denunciation of the genocide being carried out by Muslims against Christians in the Middle East and Nigeria. But the message the church is sending out to the public via this sign suggests the kind of bend-over-backwards, social justice, leftist sensibility that characterizes the watered-down Christian organization in which Christ is viewed as little more than Chairman, emeritus, and his gospel has been updated to reflect the latest trends in progressive thought.



I'm not aware of any instances of anti-Muslim bigotry in the area, but I did notice that the sign outside of a local Jewish community center - not even a quarter mile down the road from this church - had been spray-painted with a vicious anti-Semitic comment. I'll keep a lookout for the UC of C's sign condemning this example of real (as opposed to hypothetical) bigotry.

Might be a while.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Wanted: Public Relations expert. Apply United Airlines.

Some pretty funny Twitter riffs on the incident involving the passenger being dragged off a United Airlines flight.

We all suspected

Right? I mean, there has been a lot of talk. But Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg seems to have confirmed it: Senator Lindsey Graham is a woman.

Monday, April 10, 2017

In idle moments...

...I frequently speculate on how many bags of cement it would take to seal this guy's mouth.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Sunday funnies

Updated and bumped - Important news from the culinary world: a ham sandwich that looks like Vin Diesel (H/T: Mrs. Paco).

Important safety tip: camels believe in helping themselves.

If we don't get rid of Obama Care, this is the sort of thing many of us will probably have to look forward to.

Shower hair art.

Cooking spaghetti: yer doin' it wrong...



Self-explanatory (H/T: Powerline's "The Week in Pictures")...



One-person Frisbee...



Friday, April 7, 2017

Happy Feet Friday

Contemporary boogieologist Caroline Dahl performs the River City Boogie-Woogie.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Sad, sad news

The great Don Rickles has died, at age 90.

Assortment

Update and bumped. Courtesy of friend and commenter Bruce, a take on Melania's photo that is actually quite enlightening.

Veeshir covers the Communist News Network.

Pepsi's lame attempts at being hip and socially relevant are just another reason I switched to RC Cola.

Happy birthday to retro bombshell Gina Elise (H/T: Gregory).

The Boston Globe beclowns itself by finding something to quibble about with respect to Melania Trump's official portrait (and, yes, I'm going to go there: on her worst day, Melania Trump surely looked infinitely more fetching than Michelle "Moose" Obama ever did in her entire life).

Behold the sheer awesomeness of solar power.

Probably just a rounding error.

When the watch dogs actually collude with the housebreakers.

Judge: "I hearby set bail at $35 million."
Defendant: "No problem."

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

The Resistance abides!

I was standing by the flowerbed outside of my agency this afternoon, smoking a meditative cigarette, when I noticed a bundle of papers lying partially concealed among the daffodils. Extracting the papers from the flowers, I found them to be somewhat damp from the previous night's rain, but still in reasonably good shape. They turned out to be flyers issued by an outfit called Refuse Fascism, and it was clear from the language that the group sees Trump as Hitler - if anything, on an even larger scale of malevolence. Here is a photo of one of the flyers:



On the reverse, the manifesto has been helpfully translated into...Arabic:



There was another document in which the group's political stance was spelled out in all its gaudy left-wing paranoia. A sample:
Donald Trump and Mike Pence have assembled a vicious cabal that has put forth positions and begun initiatives which demonstrate that they fully intend to shred political and social norms with catastrophic consequence. Because Trump has his finger on the nuclear trigger, the Trump/Pence regime is more dangerous to the world than even Hitler.
In the context of ideology, this is mere childish twaddle, the sophomoric temper tantrum of parlor Marxists; however, somebody went to the trouble of composing and printing out this dreck, so I was curious as to why the building and nearby lamp posts and the few spindly trees in the vicinity weren't festooned with these flyers, which, instead, had been left to molder among the flowers. I began to speculate on what happened...

The previous night. Late. A light, drizzling rain is falling silently. Three shadowy figures turn the corner and halt not far from the entrance to a government building.

Anti-Fascist leader: "Ok, guys. Here are the flyers. Who's got the tape?"

Subordinate anti-Fascists, exchanging nervous glances: [Silence].

Leader: "You're kidding, right? Nobody brought tape? How about twist-ties? Thumbtacks? Chewing gum?"

A disembodied voice suddenly sounds in the darkness. "Hey, man, any of you got a coupla dollars?"

The three shadowy figures yelp in unison, and simultaneously jump in terrified surprise (inadvertently executing a clumsy but vigorous entrechat).

A homeless man materializes out of the gloom.

"Seriously, bruthuz, I'm gonna buy food. I don't wan'it for drugs o' nuthin' like dat."

Leader: "Damn! You startled us. Either of you guys have any money?"

Subordinate anti-Fascist #1: "No, I never carry cash. Not in DC, anyway."

Subordinate anti-Fascist #2: "All I've got is a coupon for a free drink at Five Guys. Here buddy, you can have that."

Leader: "Sorry, my friend, we're a little short right now, but we're working to make a better future for the oppressed masses. You understand?"

Homeless man: "Yeah, I get it. Someday you all gonna fix it so I can eat all the pork roast and mashed 'taters I want, but right now I gotta make do with a co-cola. Same damn thing with you comuniss ev'ry time." Shaking his head, the homeless man wanders off.

Leader: "Alright, he's gone. So how are we going to post these flyers?"

Subordinate anti-Fascist #1: "I've got some duct tape in my car."

Leader: "That would be the car we drove tonight? The one we parked at the Vienna Metro station, twelve miles from here? S**t, Justin, what good is that gonna do us?"

Subordinate anti-Fascist #2: "Look! Isn't that a police car coming this way?"

Deciding not to stand upon the order of his going, the Leader flings the flyers into the daffodils and all three men run across the street to the Metro station, in headlong flight from - as it turns out, a fellow driving a Domino's Pizza delivery car.

Yes, I can easily see the the thing going down that way. I mean, these people aren't exactly brimming with the courage and determination of the maquisards, now, are they?

But upon further reflection, there might be a more likely explanation. Perhaps an anti-Fascist provocateur paid a homeless person a few bucks to hand out the flyers, the guy pocketed the money and, as soon as his benefactor was out of sight, he just tossed the papers in the first convenient place he found.

Oh, and you can probably guess who's helping to finance Refuse Fascism: that would-be James Bond villain and bush league anti-Christ, George Soros. These are the same people who rioted at Berkeley when Trump-supporter Milo Yiannopoulos tried to stage an event.

As a matter of truth in labeling, maybe this outfit ought to call itself Rescue Fascism. I'm thinking of mailing the broadsides to Soros, with the observation that if be thinks he's going to get results out of these Keystone Kommies, he's out of his mind.

Monday, April 3, 2017

I'm sure there's a logical explanation

But is there a legally justifiable one?

"Obama National Security Advisor SUSAN RICE Behind Unmasking Of Trump Transition Team".

I always figured the Obama administration was sneakier, more devious and more underhanded than anything since Lyndon Johnson or Richard Nixon. So why are we just getting puff pieces on Barry now that he's gone? (Yes, that's a rhetorical question). You know the kind of thing I'm talking about: "Retired president and minor deity Barack Obama receives standing ovation at the Shake Shack, as patrons rush to pay for his double cheeseburger".

Update: It looks like at least two news outlets sat on the above story in an attempt to protect the Obama administration and undermine Trump.

Dear Mainstream Media: Please stop asking us to trust you; it's getting tedious.

Pretty interesting

The Tasmanian Tiger, thought to have been extinct for decades, may still be hanging on. Here's footage from the 1930s of the last known living Thylacines:



Now, find me a live moa in New Zealand and we'll really have something to talk about.

Better late than never

Just found this April Fools video (via Massad Ayoob): the bullet cam.

Sunday, April 2, 2017

Actor officially enters his dotage

According to Robert Redford, we've been enjoying a period of "sound and accurate journalism" ever since the fall of the satanic Nixon, but the free press is now endangered once again by Donelzebub.

About what you'd expect from someone who played Dan Rather in a movie hilariously entitled Truth.

Sunday funnies

Update: Almost forgot this one. Sportscaster, denied permission to use NCAA film clips, innovates.

Which came first, the chicken, the egg or the moron?

There's one born every minute: Burger King's "left-handed" Whoppers.

Burglar foiled by fence.

Dang! Missed it again this year: the festival of exploding sledgehammers.

These pranks sure beat "your shoe's untied".

Words to live by...



Little girl thinks a water heater is a robot..