Thursday, October 31, 2013

Happy Feet Friday

Jazz pianist Dorothy Donegan demonstrates that you’re only as old as you feel.

Keeping priorities straight

“Man jailed for overdue library book”.

Reminds me of the library cop from Seinfeld.

Mendacity as far as the eye can see

Mary McCarthy once famously said about Lillian Hellman, “Everything she writes is a lie, including ‘and’ and ‘the’”.

I think an increasingly large number of people are coming to the same conclusion about Obama’s utterances. I arrived at that point very early on, primarily due to my belief that modern American liberalism is a giant, unadulterated lie, and, since Obama has always certainly been an unapologetic proponent of that particular political fantasy, it follows that the volume of his lies would closely track the actual number of words that he speaks.

Now comes ominous news that Obama’s promise – “if you like your health plan, you can keep it” – is not off by “only” 12 or so million people (which would be bad enough), but possibly by as many as 93 million .

The whole thing is a catastrophe, and it matters not, at this stage, whether it stems from monumental incompetence, or whether it’s a Cloward-Piven move to destroy the system and drive everyone into a single-payer environment. It’s the biggest crap sandwich in our history, and it needs to go.

And here’s some free, unsolicited advice for Democrats: never mind patriotism; if you don’t at least start putting basic common sense in front of your blind loyalty to your little jug-eared tin god, you’re going down. Whether you’re kicked out by a swelling multitude of irate voters, or whether society simply collapses around your ears, you’re going down if you don’t stop playing Trilby to Obama’s Svengali.

”If you like your ham sandwich, you can keep it (subject to some minor changes in ingredients)”

Update: Wooooeee! What's that stank? Smells like FAIL!
The website launched on a Tuesday. Publicly, the government said there were 4.7 million unique visits in the first 24 hours. But at a meeting Wednesday morning, the war room notes say "six enrollments have occurred so far."

I guess canonization can’t be far behind

It’s a miracle! An image of Hugo Chavez’s fat mug supposedly appeared on the wall of a subway tunnel. Current Venezuelan president and psychic reader, Nicolas Maduro, had this to say:
"So just as it appeared, it disappeared, so you can see … that Chavez is everywhere. We are all Chavez," Maduro added.
This is what happens when democracy lapses into infantilism. And, yes, it can happen here.

"A miraculous image of Chavez? R'lly?"

Well, it depends...

Greg Sargent, a Democratic spokesman Washington Post editorialist, believes the Republicans should reach out to Democrats on ObamaCare.

I agree.

That's what you meant, right, Greg?

Numbers don't lie

But some people can really lie with numbers. Colonel Milquetoast casts a skeptical eye on a "gender gap" report.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Obama's own special cloud of unknowing

I would know about the spyin',
And Hillary Clinton's lyin',
And the unemployed's sad refrain,


I'd be smarter than Joe Biden,
In the polls I'd be high-ridin',
If I only had a brain...

I'd stop shipping guns to druggies,
Cut funding for electric buggies,
And plug the spending drain,


I'd hunt graft down like a ferret,
Why, I'd even fire Valerie Jarrett,
If I only had a brain...

I would build a better web site,
Hell, I'd scrap my health plan outright,
Illegal immigrants I'd restrain,


I'd send Eric Holder packing,
And support a lot more fracking,
If I only had a brain...

“Dear Rep Lewis”

Another epistolary gem from Jeff Goldstein. A taste:
You've turned a past injustice into a cottage race industry upon which you live like a parasite. And your attempts to tether that past injustice to those of us who today fight for the freedom and autonomy of the individual to resist the oppression of the state suggests that it is you, sir, who today carries the fire hoses and have shown yourself willing, time and again, to release the dogs against those who oppose your designs on their liberty.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


Harry Reid is an asshole. An “absolute asshole”, in fact.

I believe this is expressed mathematically as |asshole|.

The problem with trying to throw people under the bus…

…is that some of them refuse to go.
The White House and State Department signed off on surveillance targeting phone conversations of friendly foreign leaders, current and former U.S. intelligence officials said Monday, pushing back against assertions that President Obama and his aides were unaware of the high-level eavesdropping.

Professional staff members at the National Security Agency and other U.S. intelligence agencies are angry, these officials say, believing the president has cast them adrift as he tries to distance himself from the disclosures by former NSA contractor Edward Snowden that have strained ties with close allies.
I cannot imagine how Obama’s pantaloons have not yet combusted, what with all the lies he tells (must be due to the fact that the mainstream media serve in the capacity of asbestos drawers).

One important key to the comparative success of Asian-Americans

The Asian-American community doesn’t have the equivalent of an Al Sharpton.

Congratulations, Australia!

You didn't have enough weird animals, so scientists have gone out and discovered three more.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Amusing question

Administration flunkies have been flooding the airwaves recently to tell us that the President didn't know [fill in the blank]. The president didn't know that the NSA was spying on European leaders. The president didn't know that the healthcare web site wasn't ready for prime time. And on and on.

Obama's apparently expansive ignorance of what people in his government are doing prompted Rush Limbaugh to ask this hilarious question on his radio program today: "What does the president not know, and when didn't he know it?"

Update: Bryan Preston on Obama's encyclopedic ignorance.

Monday movie

Jack Benny arrives home at his apartment, where wife Ann Sheridan is attempting to cover up the fact that they’re being evicted (from George Washington Slept Here).

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate I-95?

I have? Well, have I mentioned it lately?

Yesterday, Mrs. Paco and I were driving down to Green Top sporting goods store in Ashland - to buy some, you know, long underwear and feet warmers - and traffic came to a complete halt near the Quantico exit. Some genius on a huge backhoe-type thing, who had been working on the HOV expansion project, managed to break a power line, which was hanging down onto the highway. All southbound traffic was stopped for about an hour and a half. After a while, I got out of the car and walked up to the scene of the downed wire, and found some firemen and a VDOT employee standing around looking at the broken line, but nobody was actually doing anything. I was told that they had called Dominion Power to find out if the wire was live, and they were still waiting for a return call. I suggested that the driver of the back-hoe should be compelled to touch the wire, which would instantly settle the issue and speed things along. The idea met with strong approval, but, alas, the back-hoe operator had melted into the crowd, possibly donning a false beard and dark glasses, to avoid the wrath of the mob.

Fortunately, for those who were in need, there were abundant woods where one could relieve oneself in privacy. People were strolling about, some with dogs, others with small children, and eventually the whole episode took on the character of a day at the park. It was a lovely morning, with lots of sunshine and a cool breeze, and I was fortified with plenty of smokes, so, all in all, it could have been a lot worse. And a guy from Dominion Power finally showed up, discovered that the wire wasn't live, and then we all took off (rather in the manner of the great 1893 Land Run in the Cherokee Strip). Somewhat redeeming the experience, Green Top still had the desired long johns and feet warmers in stock when we arrived, and the background check only took 15 minutes.

I still hate I-95, though.

Sunday funnies

Swampy has an excellent recipe for homemade dog food - in fact, its appeal isn't limited to dogs.

It's time for the 2013 Plumber of the Year awards! (H/T: Captain Heinrichs)

At the same site, there are some great animal gifs; I particularly recommend to your attention the third one (little dog running after big dog).

Ten weird looking insects (including one that resembles Elvis).

Update: Jeremy Clarkson lobs some barbed tweets at Piers Morgan.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Friday, October 25, 2013

Happy Feet Friday

Oh, my! Ella and Frank, singing Can’t We Be Friends.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Our multi-tasking president

In the middle of various disasters, both foreign and domestic, President Obama somehow is finding the time to dabble in the design of military haberdashery. More ominous news for our armed forces:
Thanks to a plan by President Obama to create a “unisex” look for the Corps, officials are on the verge of swapping out the Marines’ iconic caps – known as “covers” — with a new version that some have derided as so “girly” that they would make the French blush.

“We don’t even have enough funding to buy bullets, and the DoD is pushing to spend $8 million on covers that look like women’s hats!” one senior Marine source fumed to The Post. “The Marines deserve better. It makes them look ridiculous.”

Hey, Nancy, why don’t you just waive your big-ass magic gavel over the ObamaCare web site?

One of the most senior members of the House of Representatives had this to say about the ObamaCare roll-out disaster:
"Just fix it, so we can go forward," she added. "Fix the technology, and let's not get too bogged down in what happens if they're not able to fix it."
If nothing else, Pelosi sure knows how to pack a dumpster-load of stupidity into as few words as possible. If “they” are not able to “fix it”, then the whole thing doesn’t, you know, “work”. How do you simply gloss over that?

Doesn’t make much sense to me. But you keep at it, Nancy. All those little synaptic monkeys banging away at the typewriters inside of your head are bound to generate a sensible thought someday.

”Abra...abra…say, how does the rest of it go, Steny?”


Some Democrats – notably hyper-partisan nut bucket Howard “EEEEEAAAUUGH!!!” Dean – believe that the problems with the roll-out of ObamaCare are the fault of…Republicans.

How long before the Democrats figure out that the real saboteur is…Emmanuel Goldstein?

Apparently so

H/T: Moonbattery

And since fixing ObamaCare is so important, the administration is bringing in the A-Team to fix it:

H/T: Instapundit


Eucalyptus grove.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The world turned upside down

“Chris Matthews Hosting Gala for Mental Health at JFK Library” (by the way, here's the latest example of Tingle-Pin's suitability for the role).

Obama had no idea that the roll-out of the implementation of the hallmark legislation of his first term was riddled with glitches (oh, and the marketing sucks, too; “Brosurance”, anyone?).

A key provision of ObamaCare may actually be against the law (which probably won’t impede, in any way, this imperial administration’s implementation of it).

“Smart” diplomacy continues its unbroken record of success.

Dear fellow citizens: Are you nuts?

Ok, how about Obama?

I used to think that Al Gore’s physical transformation into a sort of human Hindenberg was the result of excessive intake of carbohydrates, but I’m now leaning toward the view that he’s simply swollen with his own hypocrisy.

With the federal government, you always get less, er, bang for your buck: ”U.S. government-funded study involves paying Mexican prostitutes”.

"Fifty Shades of Liberal"

Smitty hilariously turns his hand to liberal porn.

The fragility of individual freedom, Eurozone edition

The International Monetary Fund is floating the idea of outright confiscation of wealth in order to prop up governments (I’m sure Obama is way ahead of you, guys).

H/T: Small Dead Animals

Tuesday, October 22, 2013


I tried to get on the ObamaCare web site today to "sign up", but it didn't work. The site just directed me to this:

Hey, Barry: I am Emmanuel Goldstein!

Virginia on the cusp of disaster

Terry McAuliffe – Clinton bagman, sleazy “entrepreneur”, Bloomberg-sanctioned gun grabber, and garden-variety liberal hack – has a significant lead in the polls in the run-up to the Virginia gubernatorial election, due largely to the fact that he’s receiving big bucks from outsiders. This is another troubling aspect of the proliferation of low-information voters: I guess they vote for whoever crops up most often in televised political commercials.

Another reason for his surprising success is, of course, the migration into Northern Virginia of hundreds of thousands of federal employees, government lobbyists, and special-interest pimps over the last couple of decades (a genuine flood during the last five years). And McAuliffe is apparently a big hit with feminists because he has vowed to keep substandard abortion facilities open.

The gun-grabbing is particularly worrisome to me, which means that I need to get busy in the next few weeks stocking up on…things. Just in case they later become unobtainable in this state.

Four and a half years to retirement, four and a half years…

Compare and contrast

Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott recently donned fire-fighting gear and joined over a thousand volunteers fighting the conflagration in NSW (H/T: Captain Heinrichs).

Obama skipped out during the Benghazi terror attack to attend a fundraiser. And no amount of bad economic news keeps him off the golf course (or his missus from taking expensive vacations).

I guess the expression “leading from behind” means hanging around the supply wagons when things get hot in the trenches.

I’m sure ya’ll have probably seen this already…

…but I’m going to link it anyway, because we should never, ever miss an opportunity to highlight Democrat congressman Alan Grayson’s spectacular assholery. One considers the dismal mental state of a constituency that could elect this rabid moron, and cringes.


Great news, Arizonans! Vain, cranky, back-stabbing politician may condescend to represent your state in the U.S. Senate one more time!

Monday, October 21, 2013

You could probably include everybody in this photo-op who has actually managed to sign up so far

“ObamaCare enrollees to join president in Rose Garden”.

Three more years of this ghastly regime, and nothing but the walking dead to oppose it:
Staggering, without direction, not quite dead and in search of brains, the Republican Party is giving a really good performance as the Zombie Party.
Republicans (the many who are still dozing) better wake up to the fact that Obama and the Democratic Party represent what Mark Levin refers to as an “existential threat” to America. And if people like McConnell and Boehner think Obama has been uncooperative up to now, wait until the elections in 2014 – you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet. His goals are to shatter what remains of traditionalist America, and to permanently marginalize the GOP, and he’s receiving an alarming amount of help – unwitting for the most part but, in some cases, perhaps not – from the Republican establishment, which is rapidly beginning to resemble a collection of dusty marble busts in a crumbling temple of “pragmatism”.

Small vs. smaller

A very insightful piece by Drew at Ace of Spades on the difference between genuine “small government” conservatives, and establishment types who only support government that is somewhat smaller than it is now (or, as Drew emphasizes, “smaller than the Democrats want it to be in the future but bigger than now”). Bottom line: the disagreements within the Republican Party are not just about tactics.


After several weeks of striving, I finally managed to take first place in Moonbattery’s weekly caption contest. Can’t wait to get my free t-shirt!

Monday movie

Bob Hope and Paulette Goddard, in a scene from the comedy/mystery, The Cat and the Canary.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

It's ok to be afraid of clowns

"Gunmen disguised as clowns at a children's party shot dead the eldest brother of Mexico's once powerful Arellano Felix drug cartel family, authorities said Saturday."

Sunday funnies

Yeah, that's appetizing.

Another reason I don't text.

Parenting - Romanian style.

Alright, this photo makes me feel weak in the knees (and I happen to be sitting down).

Jack Benny and Gisele MacKenzie perform a violin duet.

Meet some of the people behind famous cartoon voices.

More people have signed up to go to Mars than have signed up for ObamaCare.

Rep. Steve Cohen: totalitarian termite

Tennessee already has one unsightly blot on its escutcheon, and his name is Al Gore. Lamentably, it also sports another, in the person of Democratic congressman Steve Cohen, who has just referred to Tea Partiers as "domestic enemies".

That's right, the very citizens who support the principles on which this country was founded are now, in Cohen's twisted little brain, domestic enemies, apparently to be lumped in with home-grown jihadists, the Aryan Nation, and the mafia. Well, congressman, you are right in one sense: I am, indeed, your sworn enemy, and the sworn enemy of everything you and your party stand for: incremental liberal fascism, unlimited immigration, global warming alchemy, "free" stuff for the perennially feckless, racial preferences, the rewriting of cultural norms in accordance with the most neurotic and narcissistic elements of society, the pillaging of the middle class and the theft of our children's patrimony - the whole ball of wax, congressman, I despise and will implacably oppose to my dying day. You want my country? Come and take it, if you can.

Friday, October 18, 2013

The eagle has landed

Alert Lebanese citizens capture a Mossad agent (As my best friend’s father used to say, “them people are just et up with the dumb ass”).

What I learned from the government shutdown

A few observations:

1) Apparently, not a whole hell of a lot of the government was shut down.

2) Nonetheless, there does seem to be an abundance of “non-essential” employees (of whom I am a member in good standing), which at least suggests that there is, indeed, plenty of room for cuts in the federal workforce and the programs they administer.

3) The Tea Party and the elected representatives associated with it are (predictably) being portrayed as wild-eyed losers in the liberal media as a result of their failure to defund or delay ObamaCare – to which I respond, that the Declaration of Independence probably began to look like a bad idea to a lot of people during the winter of 1777-1778.

4) Most of the Republican Senate is a kind of political Jurassic Park, a zoo filled with small-brained mossbacks whose only genuinely beneficial contribution to the world will consist in their departure from it (and, by all means, stand not upon the order of your going).

5) Obama is a glorified faculty-lounge boor, a narrow-minded (as befits the typical academic, these days) petty tyrant who would reign rather than preside if he had the chance, and who gives every indication that he is actively looking for just such an opportunity. We have seen the alacrity with which he moved to annoy the populace in relatively small things when he didn’t get his way (e.g., shutting down open-air memorials and even scenic overlooks); picture that same petulant and manipulative temperament framing a response in greater matters when he finds himself thwarted or simply pissed off – health care, for instance. Would a president who concerns himself with choosing specific drone targets abroad shrink from directing the issuance of subpoenas on behalf of death panels? Somehow I doubt it.

6) I reflect, somewhat wistfully, upon my recent decision to purchase two 30-round magazines for my Ruger Mini-14; in retrospect, I rather wish I had ordered five.

The Stupid A**holes

That’s TSA to you and me, Mr. and Mrs. American taxpayer! You’ll be glad to know that they’re continuing to demonstrate the highest levels of vigilance, even going so far as to make sure women aren’t carrying bombs in their unmentionables:
A federal air marshal has been arrested and accused of taking cell phone photographs underneath women's skirts as they boarded a plane at Nashville International Airport.

The debt limit

Explained in such a way that even the meanest intelligence should grasp it.

(H/T: Protein Wisdom)

Happy Feet Friday

Harry James is blowin’ hot and sweet in this video from 1942.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

The yankee government reopens

But I'll be sticking around the command center for an extra day or so, since I've come down with a bad chest cold and severe bronchitis.

In re the end to the government shutdown, I'm sure we're all delighted to see that at least Mitch McConnell got something out of it (this is a perfect example of what I was saying the other day when I suggested that the Democrats and establishment Republicans are just rival gangs fighting over the same taxpayer territory).

Update: The real legacy of the government shutdown (regular Americans still have the spirit to resist tyranny).

Via Tammy Bruce at Twitchy

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Hey, L.A. cops...'re aware that Breaking Bad was a fictional television drama - right?

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


You can still see Mt. Rushmore during the government shutdown, but there's a catch.

Why can't Michelle Obama harvest her own damn vegetables?

Swampy has a few, er, mild criticisms of the man she has dubbed the "Halfrican Queen".

The Classical Liberal has some interesting thoughts on the government shutdown (decorated with alluring photos of Katherine McPhee).

Sultan Knish defends Christopher Columbus - and America - from the spitballs of the politically correct (H/T: Miss Red).

The quality of journalism seems to be in decline everywhere.

If you're an impatient driver, you might want to make an effort to calm down; you never know when you're going to annoy a cyclist who has a blog.

Democratic congressman threatens to fight for ObamaCare - even after he's dead (H/T: 36 Chambers).

Barbara Boxer - who enjoys a prominent place on almost everybody's top five list of Stupidest Senators - further bolsters her moronic legacy by comparing Republicans to domestic abusers.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Monday movie

Spencer Tracy has had enough.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Sunday funnies

Way to pay attention, dude.

Man: Waiter, there's a fly...
Waiter: Shhhh!

Hottest new game.

If at first you don't succeed, RIP.

You can build a better mousetrap, but the world might not actually beat a path to your door.

From the television series, Parks and Recreation: the world according to Ron Swanson.

An American bison demonstrates the patriotic response to the Barrycades (H/T: Moonbattery):

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Well, what next Speaker Boehner, Representative Ryan?

Even the extremely weak tea offered by Republicans to His Majesty in the latest go round of negotiations - near-complete capitulation today, in return for an opportunity to capitulate again before the end of the year - was found to be excessively bitter to the royal taste buds. Republicans in the Senate are now trying their hand, and have received an initial rebuff.

And of course, John McCain continues to shine, like a turd under a full moon, demanding that the conservatives behind the defund movement be "held accountable" (if nothing else, McCain has assured himself a prominent position in the gallery of Republican heretics, right next to the execrable Lowell Weicker).

It is clear that Obama is not just seeking surrender, nor even simply unconditional surrender, but abject, groveling surrender - and the problem is that there are too many Vichy Republicans willing to accommodate his wishes, many of them now running scared from a recent NBC poll that, as has been ably demonstrated, is a tad on the skewed side.

I've really quite had it with the so-called "grownups" in the Republican Party. They utterly fail to see that you can't win a strategic war of grand ideological sweep using mere work-a-day tactics. How tragic that, save for a stalwart few, the GOP has become so impoverished in imagination, tongue-tied in argument, and blind to the traditions of personal freedom that still passionately engage so many of their constituents. Is the Republican Party, as represented by its establishment wing, really nothing more than a rival gang fighting with the Democrats over the division of taxpayer booty? Good luck to the young Turks, then, and may they rapidly supplant the Old Farts League.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Happy Feet Friday

Lionel Hampton and his band bring the happy jive with Star Rocket.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

ObamaCare - what a great deal!

Just listen to the customers, er, rave about it.

Sad news from down under

The Australian pig that recently achieved notoriety for stealing beer, attacking a cow, and falling into a drunken sleep under a tree, has crossed the River Jordan.

RIP, Swino.

Grain of salt, and all that...

...but would anybody be in the least surprised to hear that this is true?
Glenn Beck on Tuesday revealed the name of a Republican senator who allegedly insinuated that supporters of FreedomWorks and the Senate Conservatives Fund are traitors to the party: Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

"You newbies need to get in line! Ribbit!"

Monday, October 7, 2013

Remember when Barack Obama was a junior U.S. Senator?

Ah, good times, good times.

Only the police should have guns (Part XXXIX)

"Off-duty cop fired gun at driver who irritated him".
There were three people in the Toyota, including a two-year-old child...

Monday movie

You can shut down the memorials, Barry, but you can't shut off our memories of the events and achievements that the memorials memorialize.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Picture, thousand words

Doug Ross has a gallery of shutdown images, each one a torpedo aimed at the heart of this tyrannical administration.

One of my favorites:

Update: Oh, right, there's a good idea: "The Amber alert system, the national missing-child warning program, has been shut off due to the government shutdown, according to the Department of Justice." (H/T: Instapundit)

Update II: Unhinged Tea Party anarchist strikes back.

Sunday funnies

That wild man of the web, TimT, sent me a link to the following video in an email. Tim writes: "I suppose Aussie talks sounds funny to youse lot over on the other side of the Pacific, but in our collective defense, I'd say Australians are too honest (or dumb) to use double entendres when a good ol' single entendres will do the trick." Enjoy!

Mark November 19th on your calendars, folks, it's World Toilet Day (H/T: Captain Heinrichs).

The dog ate my money. U.S. Treasury: No problem.

Hey, just because you're dead, it doesn't mean you have to abandon the dating scene.

Literally selling the sizzle, not the steak.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

President Bull Connor

So now the Park Service is patrolling the Vietnam War Memorial with German Shepherds?

Hey, maybe Al Sharpton is right, in a twisted kind of way. Maybe we are still living in early 1960s Selma, Alabama.

Update: WWII veterans bring it to Obama as they remove Barrycades at the Iwo Jima Memorial.

Fanatical Japanese soldiers couldn't shut these guys down. You think Pissy Preshizzle's going to?

Update II: Rep. Steve Stockman provides some interesting (and scathing) perspective.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Defaced poster boy

The media made something of a hero of one Chad Henderson, who seems to have been one of the relatively few people who managed to sign up for insurance through his state health care exchange.

But is he telling the truth?
[I]n an exclusive phone interview this morning with Reason, Chad's father Bill contradicted virtually every major detail of the story the media can't get enough of. What's more, some of the details that Chad has released are also at odds with published rate schedules and how Obamacare officials say the enrollment system works.

Happy Feet Friday

The great Johnny Mercer sings his hit tune, Accentuate the Positive.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Eerie parallels

In 1933, MGM released a highly controversial film called Gabriel Over the White House, starring Walter Huston as a dictatorial president. It was no coincidence that the movie came out shortly after the election of FDR, who reportedly loved the film, with its propagandizing in favor of a kind of American fascism, its celebration of a strong chief executive who could cut through red tape (you know, like the Constitution). Here's a brief video in which Gene Healy at the CATO Institute discusses the film, and here is a comprehensive Wikipedia article.

Why post about this now? Oh, no particular reason...

Obama's health care exchanges

Oh, yeah, all systems are go.

Harry Reid as a baby

"No, I'm NOT going to eat those mashed peas! Send 'em back to Mr. Gerber and tell him to stick 'em where the sun don't shine. Which means you'd better whip those tits back out ASAP unless you want to hear me screaming like an air-raid siren 24/7. And another thing: stop changing my diapers ten times a day. I happen to LIKE wallowing in my own s**t, and if you can't stand the smell, then take your big nose outside and sniff the flowers like the nature-worshiping putz you are! I refuse to negotiate on these matters. Jihadist!"

Things somehow look a little different

I have returned from three days trying to deal with some nettlesome family business in Richmond, and I see that everything has come unglued. As everyone knows, the federal government, or a large part of it at any rate, has shut down, and a new word - Barrycades - has been coined, to describe the obstacles that federal park employees have installed in an attempt (thus far, from most accounts I've read, hilariously unsuccessful) to prevent WWII veterans from congregating at their memorial. By the by, as a government employee, I made sure to guarantee myself an indefinite unpaid vacation by having the words "Non-Essential Employee" tattooed on my forehead, so there would be no mistake about it (it's true, as JeffS has pointed out, that the correct terminology is now "excepted" and "non-excepted", but the tattoo is so lovely - the text is inscribed within a drawing of a sagging hammock that enfolds a portly bureaucrat, snoozing in the mottled shade of a mimosa tree - that I didn't have the heart to change it).

I read that conservatives are now "jihadists". Well, then, how prescient of me to have added another rifle to my collection for the Holy War. I purchased a Ruger Mini-14 (came with two 20-round magazines) at Green Top, an outdoor sporting goods store that has the largest and most diverse on-site inventory of firearms of anyplace I've ever seen. I drooled over a Mossberg 930 SPX semi-auto shotgun, with its generous 7-round tubular magazine capacity, and sighed with longing over a new Colt 1911-style pistol chambered in .38 Super. There were dozens of AR-15s and AK-47s stacked in circular racks, and scores of interesting used rifles from around the world. And the background check only took an hour (most places I go usually require a second trip back to the store, next day).

Perhaps I'll spend an idle hour or two testing the new ObamaCare exchanges (404 is my lucky number!)

Update: ObamaCare definitely seems to be suffering from a messaging problem (priceless).

Update II: Particularly glad not to be in DC today.